


The Dodgy Potion

by NaughtyBees



Category: Yonderland (TV)
Genre: Claustrophobia, Dirty Jokes, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Growth, Macro/Micro, Post-Canon, Potions, Silly, Trans Ho-Tan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 11:00:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19766806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaughtyBees/pseuds/NaughtyBees
Summary: In another badly-formed plan to take over Yonderland, Negatus finds himself drinking a potion that doesn't do what it said on the label.





	The Dodgy Potion

**Author's Note:**

> First Yonderland fic!

"Oh yeah! Who's the man?!" Negatus gloated, smirk wide as he sat down in his throne, box on his lap. He paused for a second before he turned to look expectantly at his demons, eyebrow raised. 

Neil started a little. "Oh! You're the man, my lord!" 

Jeff tilted his head. "Of course you're a man. You've got a winkie."

Negatus rolled his eyes. "No, Jeff! Don't be so cissexist." He shook his head and straightened up, tapping the lid of the box with his painted fingernails. "I mean, I've finally got something that will help me take Yonderland for myself! And then, I'll finally be able to rule the entire realm!"   
The box opened with a creak and Negatus grimaced, lifting out a dismembered hand that seemed to be clutching some kind of bottle. He prized the small bottle from the hand's stuff fingers and held it up to the light, the purple liquid inside casting a violet shadow on his face. "With this elixir, I'll become the most powerful being in the realm." He grinned. "All I need to do is find a way into the Elders' Chamber, then Yonderland will be mine for the taking." Negatus dramatically clenched his fist with a creak of leather, pressing his lips against his knuckle. 

Rita leant toward Neil, speaking from the corner of her mouth. "How much do you want to put on it this time?" 

"Half a crown says he doesn't come back."

"Deal."

oOo

"Item seven." Choop continued, looking around at his fellow elders with the same official expression he had for all their meetings. "I fear this may be of grave importance to us…"

Ho-Tan turned a page in the agenda, trailing down the list with the feather end of her quill. "Ah! You mean the catering for the party?" 

Choop nodded seriously. "This is of utmost importance…" His voice shuddered with severity. "Burgers or hotdogs?" 

Flowers smiled serenely at Choop. "I vote burgers, brother. Veggie burgers are so much more delicious than veggie sausages." He paused for a moment. "Oh, and seeing people cutting up sausages makes me uncomfortable for some reason…" His eyes flicked downward as he thought about it. 

Pressley chuckled. "I don't care what food we have, as long as I can have a farlsberg or six!" 

Vex nodded, gesturing to Ho-Tan. "Make sure you write down that we need cake too. Especially if we're inviting Deh Beh, she does like some cake."

"Cake." Ho-Tan repeated, noting it down. 

As they continued to discuss their party, the Elders had no idea they were being watched. 

oOo

"This Spy Fly is working perfectly!" Negatus smiled as he looked around, the large, compound eyes of his headset showing multiple pictures of the large room in fly-vision as the robotic insect buzzed around, sending the feed back to its master.   
The more the Elders spoke, the more a plan formed in his mind. "Hmm… they need a caterer, do they? I think I might still have the body of the chef from last night's pizza party out back." He chuckled evilly, steepling his fingers. "This will be easier than shooting piss into a barrel."

Neil frowned and tilted his head. "Shouldn't that be shooting fish i- OW!" He yelped as Rita stood on his foot pointedly. 

Negatus was distracted for a moment, so he didn't notice someone sneaking up on his Spy Fly, until he heard a war cry. He looked up with a yell as sixteen different versions of Ho-Tan brought a shoe sharply down on his head, the feed cutting off with a sharp buzz of static. Scrambling to pull off the headset, Negatus frowned with a growl. 

"Demons! Fetch me the clothes of the pizza man, what was his name…John!"

Neil nodded. "Yes, oh murkiest of swamps!" He announced as he turned, rushing away. 

Rita looked up at Negatus. "Why did you kill him in the first place, my lord?" She asked. 

Negatus shrugged. "He was just weird. Kept insisting I call him 'Papa'."

"And he forgot anchovies on my pizza." Jeff added. 

"Next time we can get pizza from Dom. His pizzas are good, right?" Rita suggested. 

"What, Dom Ino's pizza? That berk charges way too much." Negatus shook his head and waved his hands. "Go on, get me those clothes, ya cretins!" He insisted, watching as his demons hurried away. 

oOo

"Damn flies…" Ho-Tan complained, slipping her shoe back on and continuing to note down everything they'd need for the party. "So, we're agreed we need a DJ… What else?" 

"More dessert!" Pressley insisted, leaning forward and pointing at the list enthusiastically. "Not just cake, we need much more! Tarts, pies, jelly--" 

"Not this again!" Trevor cried, seeming panicked. 

Choop chuckled. "Not you, Trevor! It will be non-sentient jelly."

Pressley seemed a little disappointed that the jelly would be non-sentient, but he kept quiet about it. 

"Now, has anyone had any ideas about who should cater?" Ho-Tan asked. 

A buzz from the intercom drew their attention and the newly installed screen flickered into life. There, in grainy monochrome, was a man with a strange hat, fake looking moustache and chinstrap beard. He had an apron on under a striking yellow raincoat. 

"Hello! I'm here for the catering job!" The man announced. 

"Ah, good!" Choop smiled. "What is your name, my good fellow?" 

The man looked slightly panicked for a moment. "Uh…" His palm ghosted over his raincoat. "Mmm...Mac…?" He stammered. "Or… Donald?" He seemed unable to pick which he liked best. 

"Mac Donald." Choop seemed satisfied with his answer. "And are you any good at making burgers?" 

"Oh, yes, I'm the king of making burgers!" He grinned. 

Vex smiled. "Well, we _must_ hire him if he's the burger king!" 

Flowers floated over to the door with a serene smile, opening it with a flourish. "Do you do vegetarian options?" He asked, gesturing for Mac Donald to come inside. 

"Yeah, sure, whatever." He waved a hand and rushed in, followed by three little red cooks, all wearing aprons and chef hats. "These are my helpers, they take care of…toppings-sauces-buns." He stumbled over the last part, standing in the middle of the chamber awkwardly. 

As Flowers sat back down, Choop leant forward, lacing his fingers over his lap. "Now then, let's talk about this food. What will we need first?" 

Mac Donald smirked and grabbed his moustache in one hand and hat in the other. "I think you'll need to run first. For I'm not Mac Donald the Burger King. I am…" He pulled off his disguise with a flourish, getting his arm stuck in the raincoat, taking a moment to free himself with a little help from his cooks. "Negatus!" He finally cried, dropping his clothes dramatically. 

The Elders yelped, immediately clinging to each other, Ho-Tan putting her fingers in her ears instinctively.

"Oh yeah, that's right!" Negatus grinned, pulling the bottle from his pocket, holding it up. "Now this realm belongs to me!" He unstoppered the bottle and pressed it to his lips, draining the liquid with a single gulp. He dropped it with a smash and laughed, throwing his head back. "And now for-- ow." Negatus put his hands on his stomach as he felt a sharp stabbing pain in his belly. "Ugh…I don't feel good…"

The Elders watched, aghast, as Negatus fell to his knees, groaning in pain.

Negatus felt his heart jump into his throat, it beating loud in his ears as his stomach clenched. He felt his muscles burn as a wave of energy tore through his body, making him feel weak.  
Negatus's body began to expand, an explosion of growth causing him to shoot upwards; eight feet, ten feet, fifteen, twenty... “No! No, no! This isn't what it said on the bottle!” 

He fell back, the impact of him hitting the ground making Vex almost slip out of his seat, his long legs wrapping around Choop in panic.   
Negatus leant over before his head hit the wall, his legs stretching out, lengthening painfully, making him whimper slightly.   
He heard breaking wood, a chair pulverised under his boot, completely destroyed. Pulling his foot closer to him, he tried to stay as small as he could, hyperventilating a little. No matter what he did, he couldn't stop himself, trying so hard to stop growing, the panic making the rate increase. He bent his knees, feeling his head strike the ceiling, leaving a painful lump that made his head spin. Leaning forward, he tried to make himself as small as possible, his shoulders flat against the ceiling, beams digging into his flesh. He would've gone right through the roof were it not for the potion wearing off, his growth rate halting, his legs close to his chest, curled in an almost foetal position. 

There was a beat of silence, the demons staring with gaping mouths, the Elders clinging to each other, frozen with fear, unable to get out of their seats for a wall of leather before them.   
Then, after a moment, Negatus sniffled. 

"Okay, okay, keep calm, it's okay…" Negatus's voice boomed, shaking a little. 

"Are you alright, oh largest of overlords?" Neil yelled up to him. 

"No, I'm not alright, ya cretin!" Negatus yelled, the Elders all screaming and plugging their ears as plaster rained down on them. Negatus noticed this, his next words at a lower volume. "I'm very claustrophobic… Oh, gods, I can't take this…"

"Hang on, wheres Jeff?" Rita asked, looking around. 

Neil frowned and placed a hand to his forehead. "I think his lordship might be sat on him."

Rita pursed her lips slightly. "Lucky…"

Pressley turned to the other Elders. "Does this mean we aren't getting burgers?" 

The others looked at him with glares and he rolled his eyes, shaking his head. 

"Okay… Diplomacy." Choop untangled himself from the other Elders and cleared his throat, cupping his mouth to call up to Negatus. "Excuse me? Mr Negatus? We can help you, so long as you promise not to hurt anyone!" 

Negatus closed his eyes tight. "I promise, I promise, just help me!" 

Choop looked at the others. "Well?" 

Vex looked up at how Negatus was pinning them into their seats. "I'm not sure if we can help ourselves, let alone him."

Flowers smiled. "Perhaps if he cast off his robes--" 

"GOODNESS NO!" Ho-Tan yelped. "The mental image alone is too much to bear!" 

Pressley huffed. "Only one thing for it." Grasping two handfuls of Negatus's pants, he hauled himself up, scaling his side. He paused as he reached Negatus's belly, humming with thought as he used the toe of his boot to poke it. He dropped to his knees and sat down with a pleasant coo, getting himself comfortable. "Not bad! Don't suppose you'd like a job here, Negatus?" 

"I'm not going to be your chair, you idiot." Negatus hissed. "What are you going to do about this?!" 

"What we always do, I suppose." Vex said as he followed Pressley, clambering onto Negatus as though he were a huge cushion, bouncing a little as he went to sit by Pressley, much to the villain's chagrin. 

"And what's that? Get the Chosen One to fix all your problems?" 

"Basically." Ho-Tan affirmed as she, too, joined the others in their appreciation for how comfy Negatus was. 

Negatus sighed heavily. "You know I could just crush you all and smash my way outside. Then nobody would stop me from ruling the realm." To emphasise his point, Negatus slapped his chest, the Elders startling at the brief display of power.   
Ho-Tan seemed to feel a twinge of guilt for the fly she'd splatted earlier, realising they may be in the same position themselves. 

"Now now, Negatus…" Choop had to be helped by Flowers as he joined his brothers in climbing their mortal enemy. "Once you're back to normal, how about we invite you to our party?" 

Negatus seemed a little taken aback. "Me? At your party? Really?" He asked, a small smile tugging at his lips, seeming amazed at the concept. "Yeah, sure, okay. I'll be…" He grit his teeth as he spat the next word out like it were sour. "....good."

"Excellent. There'll be food and drink and dancing, you'll have a great time." Choop smiled before getting ready to summon Debbie. 

oOo

"Alright, you're not gonna believe this one." Elf said with urgency as he opened the cupboard door. 

Debbie looked up from her toast, groaning and wiping crumbs from the corners of her mouth, swallowing her bite. "What is it this time?" She asked, dusting her hands of crumbs. 

Elf shook his head and gestured. "I think you'd better just come, pretty sure The Elders might be crushed flat or eaten by now, so the quicker we are…"

"What!?" Debbie hopped to her feet. "Quick, let's go!" She yelped as she ran through the portal, coming out in one of the corridors that led right to the chamber. She jogged along until she reached the doors, throwing them open. 

The Elders were sat in their usual sitting positions, in their usual order, seeming to be in deep discussion, as per usual.   
What was unusual, however, was that they all seemed to be comfortably seated on the belly of a giant Negatus who seemed wholly unimpressed with his new demotion to furniture. 

"What's going on?!" Debbie asked with a yelp as she met eyes with Negatus, seeing him smile a little and wiggle his eyebrows, as if to silently mock how he held the upper hand over her. 

"Ah, Debbie! Glad you're here!" Choop smiled. "I'm afraid Negatus got a dodgy potion. Made him giant."

Vex hummed. "Yes…we need to find a way to get him back to normal. We promised him he could come to our party."

"Oh, yes, you're invited too!" Ho-Tan added, gesturing with her quill, smiling. "Also the small things, and Bob too, if you like."

"I doubt my kids and _Peter_ would fit in. Anyway, that's not the point! The point is, how are we going to get Negatus back to normal?" She seemed exasperated that the party was a more important subject than their main issue. 

"Do we have to right now?" Pressley asked. "Look, there's no chair back. So you can just…" He let himself fall back, laying down on Negatus with a relaxed sigh. 

"Don't nap on me! I'll stomp you!" Negatus whined, seeming stroppy that they weren't taking his problem seriously. 

Debbie held up her hands. "Okay, okay, Negatus!" She took a deep breath. "Where did you get the potion?" 

"That budget potion shop… What was it…? Ah, The Less is Mortar." Negatus nodded as he remembered. "Killed the shop owner when he wouldn't sell me the potion." He paused for a moment. "He did say something about it being faulty, which was why I couldn't have it."

"Right." Debbie looked at the Elders. "Would I be able to find an antidote if I went there?" 

They talked between each other before shrugging and affirming over one another.   
"If not, perhaps you could find an alchemist?" Choop suggested. 

Elf took Debbie's hand and led her away from the chamber, telling her he knew exactly where they could find an alchemist. 

"Don't want to alarm anybody…" Negatus mumbled, his eye twitching as his back began to cramp. "But I do need the toilet quite badly."

The Elders shared looks of panic, and Choop sat up. "Right, I think we should try and find a way to move Negatus outside."

"How?" Pressley asked, still laid back comfortably. "The doors are far too small."

Ho-Tan tapped her chin with her quill. "Well…we do have chamber insurance. We'd get enough to fix it twice over if Negatus just smashed his way out."

"Are we covered for that?" Vex asked, tilting his head. 

Ho-Tan leafed through her paperwork, tracing down the page with her fingertip. "Yes! We're covered for natural disasters, malignant wraiths, Super Fungus, evil overlords, and creatures of exceptional size." She closed the book with a snap, making Vex jump. "At least two of those things apply!" 

Choop smiled. "Then it's settled." He clapped his hands happily. "Negatus, give us half an hour to get everyone clear, then you can break your way out. _Carefully._ "

"No problem." Negatus mumbled, his legs feeling as though they were on fire, back sending shooting pains through his ribs. "Easier than pulling off a frog."

oOo

"This is a lot more simple than most of our quests." Elf smiled as he sampled yet another potion, his hair turning a fetching shade of crimson. "Usually it's 'take this thing to this guy, he betrays us, almost die, get saved and learn our lesson'."

Debbie nodded. "Lucky the potion seller had an apprentice. Maybe we'll be able to get back before anything bad happens." She watched the strange man brew the antidote with several puffs of coloured smoke and crackles of purple electricity, bla bla bla, boring, seen it before. 

"Stop drinking the samples!" Debbie hissed at elf as his skin turned pearly blue. "It's one per customer. Plus, you don't know what they're doing to you."

"Though customers not we're. Negatus for antidote an getting we're." Elf said as he rummaged through the basket for another potion sample. 

Debbie sighed as elf began to talk backwards. "What's so great about them anyway?" She asked as Elf drank another, his eyes turning pink. 

Licking his lips, Elf decided he'd had enough and sat back, admiring his temporary changes. "Flavoured cherry they're." He smiled. "Worry don't, though soon off wear they'll." 

After piecing what he said together, Debbie sighed and looked at the sample potions, taking one and pocketing it, going back to watching the alchemist brew his potion.

oOo

Half an hour was up, and Negatus was nervous. He was worried he wouldn't be able to break free of the building surrounding him. He wasn't the strongest in the realm and the chamber was very well built, he hoped it wouldn't hurt. Swallowing hard, Negatus lifted his arms, palms against the ceiling, and pushed. The dome creaked but didn't give. He growled and slammed his fist against it, the incredible force behind such a weak gesture being enough to completely smash through the roof with a crunch. 

"Ooh! I'm liking this…" Negatus purred as his other fist crunched through the roof, debris raining upon him as he grabbed the outside of the dome with both hands, attempting to stand.   
The Elders watched with barely restrained terror as Negatus's body crashed through their roof, sending chunks of metal and wood flying down around them, Negatus's smile a mile wide as he stepped out of the chamber, each footstep causing a small earthquake. 

Negatus stretched with a groan, happy to finally be able to stand, his back clicking pleasantly. He dusted himself off, looking around for his demons. 

"My lord!" Rita called up to him. "You were sat on Jeff! Is he okay?" 

Negatus peered down at the debris within the chamber. Anything still in there would be dead. He shrugged and continued to dust himself off, pausing as he felt something stuck to the seat of his leather pants. Peeling it off and bringing it to his face, he rolled his eyes. "Jeff!" He growled. 

Jeff opened his eyes groggily. "Huh? What? I was having a great dream…"

"You were asleep?!" Negatus shook his head and dropped Jeff, watching him glide down to the ground instinctively. "Remind me to sit on you next time you can't sleep."

Rita made a mental note of that. 

"Alright, now that Negatus is free, shall we continue with party plans?" Choop asked, turning to the others. 

Negatus smiled devilishly, lowering himself to his knees. "Oh, I think I have a better idea."

The Elders had no time to react has two gloved hands scooped them up, soft noises of confusion coming from them as they were faced with a huge grin.   
"What are you doing?" Asked Vex, a little worried about how high up they were. 

"Well, if I get rid of you, the realm is mine!" Negatus smirked, lifting Pressley up with two fingers, the poor Elder squirming like a flutterbug on a hook, yelping out pleas for rescue. 

"Wait!" Choop yelled, hands raised. "What about the antidote?!" 

Negatus rolled his eyes. "Don't need it now I'm free from there, do I?" He shook his head. "No, once Maddox gets back, I can just take it from her and use it once everyone is loyal to me."

The Elders seemed horrified, especially when Negatus made a comment about having not had breakfast yet. Opening his mouth, Negatus began to bring Pressley closer to his jaws, seeming intent on eating him. 

"But what about the party?!" Vex squeaked, trying anything to stop themselves becoming a snack. 

"Pfft." Negatus used Pressley to point at them as he spoke. "I know that was just a trick." He growled, shaking Pressley to emphasise his point, the poor Elder making pathetic noises. "You don't really want to invite me to the party." He opened his mouth again, Pressley too dizzy to be scared. 

Ho-Tan shook her head. "No! Look, you're on the guest list! See?" She held up her journal, much too small for Negatus to read. "Look! You're right below Debbie on the list. I've got you down for vanilla frosting on your cake."

Negatus hesitated. "...You...know my favourite frosting?" He asked, his voice small. 

"Yes, of course!" Ho-Tan nodded as she looked at the list. "I think you mentioned it in an anecdote once, back when you were our moleman."

Flowers nodded. "Yeah, that one about the overlords party. You said you didn't like the chocolate because vanilla was your favourite."

Negatus was touched. They'd actually remembered something about him? He pouted a little, tapping Pressley against his chin as he thought. Sure, he had the Elders right where he wanted them, seconds away from being eaten, and he could easily rule the realm. But…they liked him enough to remember things about him. 

"My lord?" Neil panted as he finally climbed onto Negatus's shoulder. "May I suggest going to the party? N-Not because I like burgers or anything!" 

Jeff smiled sweetly on his other shoulder. "Will there be ice cream?" 

"Oh, yes!" Choop smiled. "Twenty five different flavours, and every topping!" 

Negatus licked his lips at the thought of all that food, making the Elders yelp and begin to cling to one another, thinking he hadn't changed his mind. With a heavy sigh, Negatus lowered his hands, letting the Elders down onto the ground, where they hugged one another happily.   
Pressley staggered around, still dizzy, holding onto Flowers tightly. "How much did I drink?" He asked, seemingly trying not to puke. He stumbled back, leaning against Negatus's knee. 

"Alright. I'll come to your party." Negatus pointed at them. "But there better be a piñata!" 

"Ooh, good idea, Negatus!" Ho-Tan cooed as she wrote it down. "Piñata…"

Choop looked at the remains of the chamber and sighed softly. "Let's hope it doesn't rain, it will have to be an outdoor party now…"

"Well, you're not having it at my house." Debbie said as she appeared from out of the forest, a now normal (but heavily sweating) Elf in tow. 

"Debbie!" The Elders chorused, Vex groaning and clutching his chest. 

"Did you find the antidote?" Choop asked, smiling. 

Debbie nodded, holding up the small bottle. "Here you go. Now, I'm not sure how long it'll take to work, he was just an apprentice."

Negatus bristled a little. "And if it doesn't work?" 

Ho-Tan gestured with her quill. "I'll make sure to have extra food on standby for you, just in case."

Pressley swallowed thickly, feeling a little better. "So long as he doesn't try to eat us again."

Debbie looked at Negatus with wide eyes. "Negatus! You can't just _eat_ people!" 

With a small smirk, Negatus wrapped his fingers around Debbie, watching her kick and squirm as he lifted her. "Or what, Maddox?" 

Breath hitching nervously, Debbie looked down at the fatal drop below her. "I just mean…if you hurt people…nobody will like you."

Negatus frowned a little. "Nobody likes me anyway!" 

"We do, brother." Flowers smiled, patting his knee. "You're part of the gang."

Negatus blinked. "...alright, I won't hurt anyone." He mumbled. "Give me the bottle." He held out his hand. The tiny bottle was barely visible to him, but Debbie opened it and leant over, setting it in his palm. Negatus licked it up like a sprinkle and swallowed it, smacking his lips. Everyone paused with baited breath, waiting for the change. When nothing happened, Negatus sighed and carelessly set Debbie down, folding his arms. "Guess that means no vanilla frosting."

Choop held up his hands. "No, no, it's okay! Making food of appropriate size will be easy enough."

"What about party clothes?" Negatus asked. 

Flowers opened his mouth, only to have Ho-Tan cover it with her hand. "You look lovely as you are!" She smiled. "Perfectly dressed."

Still pouting, Negatus nodded. "Alright, fine." He mumbled. "But I get the first burger."

"I've got a bad feeling about this." Elf whispered to Debbie.


End file.
